The Biology and Spirituality of Human Sexuality
Class 9: Sex as Sacrament:
Moving Toward an Ethical View of Sexual Expression
August 24, 2003
(Revised 15 August, 2003)

Introduction

     Review of Last Class. In the last class, we took a brief look at the psychological factors that may lead to homosexual orientation. We looked at how a variety of theories suggest that there may be a psychological predisposition toward homosexual behavior. These theories included gender nonconformity, Freud's psychoanalytic theory, childhood sexual experiences (both abusive and non-abusive), and the "exotic becomes erotic" theory.

     Next, we reviewed the origin and propagation of homophobia. Factors that contribute to homophobia included societal enforced attitudes and prejudice toward homosexuals and stereotyping. We looked specifically at the development of prejudice. We examined how a test instrument developed by Herek and called the Attitudes Toward Lesbians and Gay Men (ATLG) survey could be used to determine prejudicial attitudes.

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Is Sexual Activity Sacramental or Sinful?

     In today's session we will, if you'll pardon the expression, look closely at sexual relations between people, asking ourselves how we feel about sexual relations and what sexual relations represent. In other words, we will ask ourselves how the biological and psychological elements of sexual behavior relate to the spiritual elements of being a child of God.

     To begin, we might want to look at our attitudes about sexuality and our attitudes about Jesus as a sexual being. This may sound blasphemous, but as Christians, we subscribe to the idea that Jesus was both human and divine. (Slide 2; ) There is an old expression that goes, "Jesus is just like us in all things save sin." If that is correct, then we have to ask ourselves what we mean when we say "Jesus is just like us" and what we mean by "sin." The Biblical texts are not at all clear about Jesus' sexual expression. The absence of references in the texts to his celibacy might be taken by some to indicate that he was married. In Paul's writing about the value of celibacy (1 Cor 7:7), Paul did not state that Jesus was celibate (which would have been a more persuasive argument). (Slide 3; )

     Clement of Alexandria, arguing against severe asceticism, said that Jesus was never married because he was already married to the church. (Slide 4; ) Clement also rejected the early church view that the sin of Adam and Eve was sexual intercourse. He saw sexual relations as part of creation, and therefore as coming directly from God.[1] This brings up the issue of sin and temptation. It is very odd indeed to think that if Jesus was human that he never experienced arousal or sexual desire. In fact the gospels are all pretty clear that Jesus was a sensually responsive human being (enjoying wine), and he is described in the gospels as being tempted by other sins. Hence, if we use the word "temptation" to describe the natural response to sexual stimuli, then we are assuming that sexual responsiveness is a result of the fall, and not part of the original goodness of God's creation of human beings. If we follow this line of reasoning, we will end up defining for ourselves what we consider to be licit and illicit sexual feelings and activities for good (and bad) Christian people. (Slide 5; )

     While it may be important to some to try to figure out whether Jesus was a sexually active person on not, it is probably more important for us to seek an understanding of how to relate sexuality to the holy. Joan Timmerman put it this way: (Slide 6; )

I would hope to highlight the fact that the humanity of Jesus, as we have it, is a symbol, and a symbol that is incomplete to the point of uselessness for human life without its fully developed sexuality ... Jesus Christ is the point at which God and sexuality must be addressed together or forever remain separate.[2]

     In this class, it is my hope that we will put sexual expression together with the holy as we develop the idea that sexual relations are an expression of the divine love given to us as God's gift. Human beings can live without genital contact, but it is not possible, in my opinion, to live creatively and fully without communication, love, affection, intimacy, and touch. These features of human connection provide the base of intimacy from which we can reach to others (even in celibacy, as described by the spiritual writers in the Greek Orthodox Philokalia). I believe that sexual expression that emerges from this kind of deep, profound spiritual connection is holy and sacred. It is sacramental. It is that view I would like to develop in this class.

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Definition of a Sacrament

     So what is a sacrament? (Slide 7; ) The Westminster Dictionary of Theological Terms defines "sacrament" as "an outward sign instituted by God to convey an inward or spiritual grace." (Slide 8; ) It also says that sacraments are liturgical practices. Since "liturgy" means "work of the people," there is no better word to describe sexual relations. The physical act of sexual relations is the outward sign of the love between two people. The phrase "making love" thus has properties that reflect both the action as well as the grace of the act itself. (Slide 9; )

     The Westminster Dictionary of Theological Terms also defines "sacramental union" as Lutheran theological term that implies a mystical union that occurs during communion between the body and blood of Jesus and the bread and wine of the sacrament. The theological notion is that there is a union between something of the divine and of the human during the physical act of consecration. One could also apply this term to sexual relations. The gift from God of the capacity to love another being is where the element of the divine can join with the specifically human act of sexual relations. It is a spiritual union of human action with divine intention to love one another.

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The Variety of Sexual Relations

     For this part of this class, I borrow heavily from the work of Morton and Barbara Kelsey.[3] In Chapter 7 of their book, Sacrament of Sexuality: The Spirituality and Psychology of Sex, they state that the union of two people can be "so complete and ecstatic that it can be a symbol of the human lover with the Divine lover." Although their writing is directed toward heterosexual relations, what they say is applicable to all sexual relationships. This is a good way to describe sex as a sacrament including its symbolic and theological meaning.

     In beginning to look at sexual relations, it is helpful to write down the "range" of sexual encounters we humans can have, which range from the sacramental to the profane. The list below is arranged from ecstatic sacramental relations to relations concerned with power and control.

• Physical union can be the ultimate, ecstatic, sacramental expression of the love that two committed people bear for one another. It can be a "window to heaven." Sexual relationship of this kind is frequently the result of a long term commitment in which communication plays a key role at all levels of the relationship. Quoting Masters and Johnson, the Kelseys note that sexual satisfaction is as much psychological as physical, and that the fullest expression of sexual relations is dependent on communication extending to all areas of the partners' lives. (Slide 10; )
• Sexual expression can also be the blissful expression of two people meeting for the moment. The Kelseys suggest that such expressions can be holy, but stress that most often, genuine sexual joy is most likely to occur in a relationship when two people are committed to each other and to in-depth communication with each other. Such in-depth relationships can (and probably often do) begin with an ecstatic union (such as the passion of Romeo and Juliet). (Slide 11; )
• Sexual relations can occur between people who give to their partner out of a sense of duty. (Slide 12; )
• Sexual expression can be only (or primarily) for procreation. It is a curious fact that human beings do not display signs of ovulation (like the colorful perivaginal tissues of baboons, for example). Perhaps one reason this is so is so that humans can engage in sexual relations for reasons other than simple procreation. (Slide 13; )
• In polygamous societies, men and women may engage in sexual relations, which become permanent. The needs of the woman (in a patriarchal polygamous society) are largely ignored. (Slide 14; )
• People may engage in sexual relations solely for physical pleasure. This is a quest for orgasmic pleasure or a release of tension. Kelsey and Kelsey point out that such casual relationships can continue, if it meets the needs of both parties, but also caution that when sex is experienced before the development of relationship, it can "short circuit any possibility of relationship and even take the place of relationship."[4] (Slide 15; )
• One person may obtain power over another in a relationship (by attractiveness, psychological persuasion, etc.). The powerful one may use her/his power in unjust ways (using the other partner as a slave). The Kelseys make the point that prostitution is "slavery with a time limit."[5] Some women who are economically dependent on their husbands may also become subject to sexual power issues. (Slide 16; )
• Sex can be a brutal act of violent aggression. Rape is demoralizing, traumatic, and devastating. It is a crime of power and violence, and when sexuality is confused with power and violence, it is demonic.[6] (Slide 17; )

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Development of Full Sexuality

     The Elements of Sexualities in Sacramental Union. The range of expressions of sexuality given above shows the importance of the appropriate combination of emotional, spiritual, communicative, and physical feelings in achieving a fulfilled, sacramental sexual relationship. In their chapter entitled "Overcoming Our Sexual Fears and Directing Our Sexual Energies," the Kelseys quote Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse who herself outlined five levels of sexuality that need to be integrated for sexual relationships to be ultimately satisfactory:[7] (Slide 18; )

• The Spiritual
• The Emotional
• The Mental
• The Psychological
• The Physical

     When sexual relations begin with the physical (lacking the other components), the relationship can become "stuck," and the partners cannot progress and integrate the other levels. (Slide 19; ) It is important for a sacramental sexual union to take place that all of the levels be integrated and experienced. It should be emphasized though, that because we are all unique, our "mixture" of the above elements may be different from one another. That is to say that one partner in a relationship may experience all five elements, and the other partner may experience a subset. The subsets experienced by partners may also vary from one another, and differ from time to time during a relationship. (Slide 20; ) This is all to say that partners in sexual relationships may be on "different wavelengths" at different times in their sexual union. But through communication and caring, these differences can be dealt with rather than serving as a source of frustration.

     Levels of Sexual Interaction. There are several levels of sexuality that couples often go through while dating, and as their sexual relationship develops and matures. These are

• Eye to Body. This is the first level of attraction between most people. It is that stage where one person is aware that s/he is being appraised by another person. Any woman knows that men stare at women, and most men known when they are being sized up by another person. (Slide 21; )
• Face to face. This is that moment when two people will make eye contact and not turn away. Muslim women who keep their faces do so because veiling protects the property rights of husbands; it is only the prerogative of the husband to view his own wife's face. The veiling of nuns came to have the same purpose in Western culture. (Slide 22; )
• Voice to Voice. The voice has the unique capacity to say more than the words carried by the voice. A great deal of sexual innuendo can be carried by the voice. Just think of the different ways the word "hello" can be said, and how that word can convey a businesslike attitude, or convey a sense personal availability. (Slide 23; )
• Non-Genital Touch. Up to this point we are all in full control of our ability to interact with one another. However with touch, our ability to control ourselves diminishes. When we begin to touch one another we set in motion a set of psychological and physiological dynamics that can take on a life of their own. We can lose control. As the desire for union increases, the amount, the degree, and the intensity of touch increases. It normally progresses from hand-to-hand contact, to hand-to-skin (light stroking), to mouth-to-mouth (kissing). (Slide 24; )
• Genital Touch. Because the skin is such a sensitive sensual organ, touch brings about more physical touching and more vigorous response. Touch moves to skin-to-skin contact, hand-to-body contact, hands-to-genitals exploration, gentials-to-genitals contact, and finally to sexual union. (Slide 25; )

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Some Conclusions

     I hope that it is evident from this discussion that sexuality it is fullest, most complete form, obtains its meaning and value as a function of relationship and love. Sexual expression therefore is indeed a sacrament; it is the outward and visible sign of the inner grace of love. Purely recreational sex for the pure pleasure of it, is a misuse of this most sacred and personal act. (Slide 26; )

     Moving Toward a Sexual Ethic. Viewing sexual expression as sacramental provides the basis for the instruction of sexuality to our children. The issue of learning about sex is delicate and fearsome to most parents. Yet all young people (and perhaps many older ones too), need some realistic instruction. For example, if recreational sexual expression is a misuse of sexuality, then relating to another person at purely a recreation al level needs to stop at the level of hand-to-hand contact, or a light embrace. Without teaching and learning about such limits, there is the great risk that our sexuality will run us rather than us being in control of our sexuality. (Slide 27; ) As Rollo May points out in his book Love and Will, to many young people sexual relations have become so casual that they have less meaning than a warm handshake. When sexuality is reduced to this level, it has lost its mystery and holiness as a beautiful gift from God.  (Slide 28; )   

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Last Class (September 21)
(Slide 29; )

The Ethics of Sexuality:
Mutuality of Sexual Pleasure as Grace and Gift

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[1] Joan H. Timmerman. "The Sexuality of Jesus and the Human Vocation." In Nelson, James B. and Sandra P. Longfellow (Eds). Sexuality and the Sacred: Sources for Theological Reflection. Lousiville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press. 1994), 94.

[2] Timmerman, 95.

[3] Kelsey, Morton and Barbara Kelsey. ""The Variety of Heterosexualities" In Sacrament of Sexuality: The Spirituality and Psychology of Sex. (London, England: Vega. 2002), 145-158.

[4] Kelsey and Kelsey, 147.

[5] Kelsey and Kelsey, 148.

[6] Susan Brownmiller as quoted in Kelsey and Kelsey, 148.

[7] Kelsey and Kelsey, 211-213.

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